The Broad Card

27 Sep

As it stands everyone knows of the heavily referenced “Man Card” that each man is supposedly born bearing, their life actions and social decisions/behavior then determine whether or not this birth rite is maintained or revoked. Essentially if a man is behaving in a way that is not readily acceptable by man standards his shit gets jacked.
Yup! He is no longer a man.
Well, in my daily life I encounter many situations in which I feel that there should be a similar ritual for the “fairer” of the sexes. I refer to it as the broad card. This idea came about one day while at work I heard a woman walking in her heels…now I use the term woman loosely because it sounded more like a T-Rex on the prowl wonkily sauntering around, not a woman walking. This turned into a tweet [btw I’m @she1la] and I had a back and forth on it with my beautiful friend [@MynameisJny] So obviously I am not the first person to think something like this should exist, I think most females just don’t want to police the broad card and therefore it does not catch on, I mean women on a whole really suck at calling one another out on their shit anyways they kind of prefer to talk about it with other women when the offending woman is nowhere near. Anyhow here are a few examples that I feel should cause a revocation of your broad card and a suspension of your right to be a woman:
1. Walking like a T-Rex in heels: I really would rather you be in flats if you’re going to walk like a rabid animal, it’s very manly and not feminine at all….and coming from me that must mean a lot. Heels are not to be worn by all and when you do wear them you should do so with decorum and pride…not slosh around…ugh mental images are pissing me off.
2. Camel Toe: Yeah this was pointed out by my lovely friend and I really cannot deny that this should cause a revocation of your human card as well. It is just gross. I mean I understand maybe at the gym, it might happen, but adjust please….in the office/mall/restaurant/club it shouldn’t, I really don’t want to see your human pleats [or meat pleats as my coworker Adam referred to them once] and quite frankly they are epically more disturbing then the male manel toe or camel hoof.
3. Being a cock block: Yeah women can be cock blocks just as badly as men can. Being a cock block can get your man card revoked occasionally, I have seen it happen, and therefore I only find it fair to also revoke ones broad card in the event of a CB. The problem is female CB’s are worse…Men tend to CB when they want the female target where as women tend to CB when they are jealous of their female friend getting more attention. I guess the age old [at least my age old] saying of “don’t be a hater” best applies here…whatever your rhyme or reason cards are revoked.
4. Jean Skirts: enough said. Jean skirts are wrong, now I give a little leeway for teens, and by teens I mean anywhere in the age range of 13-15, 16-17 are more scrutinized and wearing them at 18+ is not ok. I’m sorry if you like jean skirts or if you wear them, no seriously, I’m very very sorry….for you. They’re tacky and this may be a personal preference but women [not girls] I have spoken to about the jean skirt all seem to agree. So if you’re 18+ don’t go into Hollister or wherever and purchase one of these…please.
5. Avoiding being pretty: now in a sense every woman is beautiful in their own way but not everyone is pretty. That is just a fact, I’m not trying to be bitchy but it is true. That is not your fault it is your genetics or your parents or something else you can’t control. However, there is a certain amount of effort that I feel a female should put forth in order to be pretty or at least physically amicable. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that every woman should put in some physical maintenance maybe that’s “backwards thinking” or “chauvinistic” [btw can a woman be chauvinistic?] or whatever but it’s my blog and I can say what I please. I feel being a woman kind of forces us to well….look like a woman. I am just asking for bare minimums such as proper hygiene, being well dressed, maybe makeup, some hair care is appreciated, and definitely deodorant….perfume is not necessary which then segues into ….
6. Improper use of perfume: now about 80% of women are guilty of misusing perfume. It is a god damned accent and I don’t want to smell your shitty perfume from a mile away. Be delicate about it almost. A little goes a lot further than you think, and if it doesn’t then you are buying cheap perfume which is very offensive most of the time. Don’t be those Macy’s whores that spray perfume around like it could solve world hunger once they’ve sprayed enough.
Now I really avoided using the V word, if you don’t know what I mean well you’re probably very stupid, because it’s too obvious. But what I will say is…having a V doesn’t make you a woman. Just like having a P doesn’t make you a man either. I’m not trying to get into some women’s lib argument on equality across genders and that bullshit because in my opinion looking like a woman doesn’t mean you can’t be a man’s equal.
But any who these were just off the top of my head…kind of my pet peeves when it comes to women…well not really because that would be one cluster fuck of a post. I guess I just got tired of asking my male friends to hand over their man card for being “bitches” and wanted something to use against my few and far between female friends… errrr acquaintances that is. Anyways, I hope you got a chuckle out of this and if you are a woman I hope you take away some lessons from here or you go out and revoke someone’s broad card.
Until next time!

XOXO
Sheila

Like Jesus this blog is resurrected.

22 Sep

I want to start off by saying hello again. It has indeed been some time but if are unfortunate enough to read my twitter feed [@she1la] or happen to be on my FB, then you probably know that I have turned myself into a work/workout zombie. It is really all I do so much that a 10 minute break to mini blog would require way too much effort. Well that is what being grown up is and I can bitch and moan as much as I like but it won’t make anything better or easier.
So onto what I really wanted to post about.
Nothing.
It seems sad that after such a long hiatus that I have nothing to blog about. I prefer to look at it as though I have way too much to blog about to actually choose one at this moment in time. I have just been bottling up all my rants and raves internally as a Virgo is born to do and everything has become so convoluted I don’t know what I want to say think or do in this blog at the moment. I would rather look at this post about nothing as a triumph over my dictator like schedule. After all I could not have blogged for another couple of months only to welcome in 2012 with the promise to blog more. So I will say that I will try to blog more…I have a couple of topics I’m actually planning on hitting in the next few weeks and while they are safely away from a level of mental decay Ill drop them here so tomorrow if I forget what I wanted to blog about I may remember…. Here it goes…

1. Awkward situations around people with Kids being a person with no kids.
2. The best ways to avoid someone you don’t want hitting on you from hitting on you
3. Proper walking/running etiquette on city sidewalks
4. My review of why clothing has sizes labeled on it
5. The proper way to implement a throat punch when absolutely necessary
a. This will include a very detailed instruction on how to perform one as well.
6. Why tacos will be the downfall of man.

That is about it right now…I had formulated some witty things to talk about on here this morning but after 12 hours in the office reading Capital Expenditure contracts, reviewing sales tax implementation and a hodgepodge of other accounting things I can’t remember so I do apologize.
So until I have another free moment to blog on the aforementioned topics
XOXOX
Sheila

Run forrest run

8 Feb

I recently decided to join my coworkers in a 5k run that benefits research and awareness of Congenital Heart Defects. I have my own personal reasons for joining in on this run and wanna put out a general request for donations to the cause. My donation page is locate at this URL

DONATE HERE

So go ahead and donate even a couple of dollars if you can. It is only the second year this organization is putting on this event so a lot of people don’t even know about it. But I think it is worth supporting. So if you can great and if not don’t worry. The run is this saturday so wish me luck!

Thanks all!

XOXO

Sheila

The Challenges of Urinating Into The Wind

4 Feb

Well I have fully moved into the new apartment hence the reason for my hiatus from the social network/blog zones of life….that and some family health issues which have all in a sense sorted out and for that I am grateful.

Anyhow….

My new year’s resolutions are all trucking along at a beautiful speed and so I really would rather not expand on any of that. However, I had a thought today whilst eating a bunch of different foods at the potluck at work today… Why do people urinate into the wind? Is relief so important that you really don’t care that you’re going to shower yourself in a bunch of undesirable excrement? of course I’m not really talking about piss and I’m not really talking about urinating as per usual it is just a not so witty metaphor for me to pretend to be like the wise philosaraptor…ha…oh dear…

Anyways this whole line of thought got me thinking…why do people choose to do things that are only going to make their situation messier for the soul sake of instant satisfaction? Why do all of us chose a route that will “relieve” us in the here and now and yet in the end were worse off since were covered in shit…err…or piss…or a mess so to say. I heard a female [no names] talking about her current relationship situation and how she wasn’t happy and all that…of course the normal crap women complain about and yet her solution to the problem was to just start being bitchier….I can only imagine this female is already a total displeasure to be with on top of that she plans on reacting to her partners decrease in pleasurable behavior with being more of a bitch…sure she aggresses towards him and instantly feels some sort of gratification for whatever reason but in the end I only see it getting worse. I hate focusing on relationships though so on to another example…I was talking with another individual [no names again] who was explaining how he had been busting his ass off to show his bosses that he deserved a promotion but then the guy he was subbing for came back and took the old position and he was just put back into his old role…so his remedy was to slack off to show them that he was not pleased with the lack of recognition they gave him…sure he’s gonna feel like he’s socking it to them here and now but I’m sure when he gets the little pink slip…and not the good kind…he’s not gonna be so smug with himself or his behavior.

I guess what I’m trying to get at is simple…Why do we chose to act out in a way that immediately pleases or relieves us of the situation only to have that relief followed up by a shower of undesirable waste and trash? I’m a person that lives for instant gratification, I pay double if it is easier to find…I will pay you more if you convenience me…but that is because it is money…with my life I don’t see the point in making halfass decisions and actions to feel validated in the here and now…after all I intend on living past the here and now and think that I should act thusly. Not only should I do it though…I think we all should. Perhaps if people tended to be more forward looking they wouldn’t do half of the dumbshit things they do. But then that would be an ideal world where people think before they speak and plan before they act. I’m not perfect at the whole preplanning or prethinking [I made that word up] deal but I damn sure make an effort to do my best.

Eh it’s just a rant kind of day I guess and yes instead of eating at my potluck I was thinking and therefore prevented overeating because I was full before I noticed I wasn’t eating…HA…

Anyways just a little food for thought.

Until Later

XOXOXO
Sheila

Instant messenger at work…well there goes productivity

19 Jan

Being well into the New Year and on my own personal way with resolutions and good intentions I have decided 2011 is already light-years ahead on the coolness scale of any other year in the past decade, for the most part. I’m actually not ridiculously depressed for whatever real or melodramatic reason and you have no idea how refreshing that is. Resolutions are going good as well… here’s that rap sheet:

1. 8 hours of sleep: really good actually, aside from 2 days I have been consistently getting 8 hours of much needed rest and it has really helped me kick the coffee habit I have a cup once in a while or maybe 2 times a week since I’m well rested.

2. That lose 15 lbs deal well I have made a 3 lb dent in that bad boy so that is pretty good. I just have to focus a lot and stay on track it is so easy to fall off.

 3. Blogging Regularly: well 1 time a week is regular enough for now I would assume since it used to be almost once a month. I just don’t want to force it.

4. Running: I have made running my main source of cardio activity and I am building up on both distance and speed…it’s a slow but sure deal. 5. Take a weeklong vacation: I’m working on accruing enough hours to do this one.

6. Try 1 new restaurant a month: well I haven’t done this for January as of yet but there’s two more date night weekends left so I will get on it.

7. Beach Trips: it aint summer yet and I haven’t lost those 15 lbs LOL.

8. Expand home culinary adventures: I am trying a few new recipes that I have not normally made so this is going well

9. Not changing hair color: well I had my first hair appointment of the year and it is exactly the same! And I’m taking prenatal vitamins…wait…it is JUST for hair growth…seriously. 1

0. Being a better person: well I guess I can’t really grade this. I’m trying to talk to more people and be nicer in general but I don’t know…I guess I’d have to ask other people what they thought about this one.

Now that that is done…I figure I will have a monthly recap…I had the amazing opportunity to watch a Lakers game this past weekend. I love the Lakers, I am not a bandwagon fan, I’ve been watching them for the past 12 years with my dad prior to that I was obsessed with Michael Jordan but come on I was a kid. So I have effectively been a Lakers fan for half of my life…just had to get that out there. It was a perk of a seminar I got sent to and I absolutely loved it. We were in a suite, Lakers vs. Jets, it was awesome. Yeah. I kind of had to document this moment because it was in this instance that I decided I would become a season ticket holder before I turned 28…I’m 24 now so that gives me ample time.

IF THIS BLOG HASN’T BEEN RANDOM ENOUGH JUST WAIT.

I found out that Anne Hathaway is going to be playing Catwoman in the new Batman movie….*yawn*… really the lady from… Get Smart, Princess Diaries, Ella Enchanted, Passengers, and Devil Wears Prada…I have never been impressed by her and was a little perturbed about the casting. I love batman…always have since youth…I used to play marbles on the school grounds with all the boys and we would gamble comics…I walked away with a lot of goods…I wasn’t good at much at that young age of 8 but I was good at marbles and I loved it….so back to A.H. yeah…I don’t expect much…she’s not junk she’s just not good enough…IMO and I am no expert and I am not an actress but I am a paying viewer and so have the right to an opinion.

ON ANOTHER NOTE

 A lady left a Tupperware in the bathroom …SINCE YESTERDAY!!!!…now WHY would you take your food receptacle into a place where people go to the bathroom…after I read that article that stated human…matter…particles float around in a 10 foot radius of a toilet. I don’t want anything that goes in my mouth to be anywhere in that place…its making me nauseous right now actually. SO I’m kind of glad they left it there cause there is no way in hell I would want to go get it back after it had been in there. Here it is…

ANYWAYS

Thank you for reading…it was not a smooth ride…hell it wasn’t a ride at all…more like a snapshot of my brain and position at the moment. It’s almost time to go hit the gym so I’ll see ya around.

XOXO

Sheila

2011 not just 2010 V 2.0

10 Jan

So it is the New Year and as many people eager to make changes in their life posted up their resolution blogs early or on the first day of the New Year I chose to hold off. In all actuality I was just being so damn lazy that typing at a computer seemed laborious when I could be doing other things grown people have to do in order to live. After I read my friend Tara’s blog …here comessome advertisement…and I’m not charging the woman for it…O_O[www.lovemebee.blogspot.com] I seen her reference the whole 100 things to do in 1001 days. Well hell I do not want to write up a 100 to do list I work full time and have a lot of other things going on that the list would never be completed…and I don’t mean in the sense of me actually doing the items I mean that I will never have enough time to even write out the damn thing. SO like my wise friend I am choosing to limit the amount of items I am going to hold myself responsible to complete and also shorten the time. Because although I may be able to plan out 3 years into the future somewhat financially under at least 10 different financial situations and or economic situations I cannot plan out completing some reading list that far…that is just the truth. AND SO I have decided to make a very short list in fact…15 things to complete in 2011. It is a much more manageable list and a much more manageable reach into the future. Not only are they goals or activities they will also be simple resolutions. I do not guarantee this list will amaze or entertain you at all in fact it will probably be as exciting as watching my instant oatmeal take semi solid form in my neat little eco friendly cup at work. Either way here it goes:

1. Get 8 hours of sleep RELIGIOUSLY.

a. I have been known to operate on 5 hours or less of sleep a day. This includes the weekend makeupsessions and although I feel that is enough inside I know it isn’tand if I want to be able to accomplish everything I would like to in a day I should be getting sleep.

2. Lose 15 lbs

a. Yeah prettydamn typical and pretty darn small but I really feel this is a decent goal. Like any female I wish it would be more but I wouldpretty much be happy with just this and that is that.

3. Blog on aregular basis as though my blog were digesting more than enough
fiber

a. I lack blog entries not because of lack of time or ideas.In fact I could easily write one a day. However I have started tobecome a little pickier about what I feel should be blogged aboutand also I’m just a lazy bitch sometimes. Work requires a lot ofbrain power so I like to be as brain-dead as possible outside of it sometime. However, with my move in February I feel I will be setting myself up for major blog ability and time. This is going to be a large part of my day to day activity and I am really looking forward to it.

4. Work on my Running Ability

a. Now I focus a lot on getting healthy here obviously but this is an area no matter how much I workout or improve do I ever want to expand on. Running is awesome and a very good exercise but to tell the truth I hate the shit out of it. I don’t like being uncomfortable and running makes me uncomfortable…BUT on a few occasions I have felt rather good and free minded whilst running and I would really like to increase my
tolerance for this activity. Nothing fancy or that but I would like to work up to simply running 5 miles a day. It is a good round number and it will help me with goal #2. So here is to running my ass off literally and figuratively.

5. Take A Week Long Vacation

a. OH LORD. So I complain about work a lot and always say I want to take time off but in all honesty I have never been able to stay away from work or being busy and or “responsible” for more than 3-4 days. I think it’s because I feel my brain turns into mush if it is not worked out at least after a 3 day period. So my goal is to simply take it easy learn to just relax and kick back for an entire week. 6. Try 1 new restaurant a month a. So I have been doing well on this already. I love Yelping and I like to try new things so this works out. It is something I already do usually but I’d like to stick to it more so than I have in the past.

7. Take 2 beach day trips a month once summer arrives

a. I have told a select few people about my plan to take a lot of beach trips once summer hits. Of course this ties in with #3 cause well come on do I need to say
it? Bathing suit? The bane of many women’s summer existence. Well not this year =D

8. Expand at home culinary adventures

a. I am aiming at saving money by cooking at home a lot more than I already do. I hope to teach the beau how to cook in this adventure as well so that I can take it easy in the kitchen every so often. But none the less I’d like to learn new recipes and cook things I might not be so apt to try normally.

9. DO NOT CHANGE HAIR COLOR OR DO ANY PROCESSING ON IT WHAT SO EVER

a. So if you know me you know hair wise I’m like Ramona Flowers, my hair changes whenever I please and it is almost never planned. Well I have done a lot of damage to it because of this and this year is for health and growth and that is what my hair will be doing for 2011.

10. Live every day in such a way that resolutions and to-do lists will have no place in my life.

a. I just want to improve in an overall manner. I want to be a better daughter, sister, friend, employee, girlfriend and person in general. This isn’t just for 2011 but for a long time.

SO there is my list simple, easy, should all be doable and well there you go.
Hope everyone else has had a great start in this New Year and I hope you all reach your goals and fulfill your resolutions.

Until next time…

XOXO Sheila

40th Anniversary Caramel Corn is stuck in my damn teeth.

5 Dec

It has been a while since my last post and I feel like I’m neglecting this little side project of mine for…wait for it…adulthood…*Gasps* Yeah pretty much work, working out, and doing “grown up” shit has really taken up a lot of my mental and physical capacity that I cannot even really sit down to type out something mediocrely funny and slightly entertaining. Well I decided to remedy that on this rainy Sunday night since I just got back into town and have little else I need or want to do right now.

So…what do I really want to blog about today? Nothing as per usual…I think the fact that my blogs are unstructured and uncategorically (yah I probably made that up) planned is just representative of me anyhow.

SO I was out to dinner with my sir in Monterey and we head out to this nice spot and I decided to order a sazerack (sp?) anyhow it’s got absinthe and other choice poisons and it tastes hard dark full of sin and it burns…oh boy does it burn. This was a bad choice on my part but being true to myself I finished this ghastly cocktail that made my freshly exfoliated lips tingle like I had just kissed the side of a freshly used toaster without complaint. This got me thinking about other things that I tend to just deal with and “take” even though I really want jack shit to do with it. I wonder if it is more just the need to finish something I’ve already dedicated myself to whether or not I really want to or if it is simply pride and I refuse to quit a challenge I’ve undertaken…maybe it is just stupidity or even just the need not to make changes to what is already ordered and paid for so to say. SO what am I really getting at? nothing honestly I just wonder if sometimes people in general just take a shitty drink and finish it whether or not it hurts/sucks/is disgusting just because. I could have easily returned it and asked for another but I didn’t want to do that/ I could have easily just left it and not drank it but hell I didn’t want to do that either…perhaps I’m an alcoholic masochist in some way and maybe I’m just the kinda person that won’t waste 10$ on a cocktail and just leave it cause I couldn’t “handle” it. Any who I had to blog something since it looks like there’s a bit of an increase in my blog traffic so I thought I should do you a favor and give you something to gander at…not saying it was worth the time…but sometimes new shit is more interesting than the old pile you’ve been looking at for a while.

So until I have something witty or real I wanna write about I will see you late and I wish you all the best.

=D

S

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